School-mum-to-be worries

My oldest daughter will be starting school in about six months.  We won’t know which school she will be going to for another month.  We hope it is the one round the corner that we can walk to, however, it is a popular school and there are already a number of siblings ahead of her in the queue.  The second choice school we put down is far less popular, but I’m starting to wonder if we might feel more comfortable there as a family.  It is much larger and has a more diverse intake of children . I'm wondering if this means that any effort we can put in as parents might be of more use to the school that is in need of parent contributions when compared to the better off school that already seems to have very active parental support.  I am also worried that my family is a bit too scruffy and unkempt for our first choice school.  

The reality of being a school mum is starting to sink in, as we approach the next big chapter in parenthood.  Aside from the daily problem of having to get her to school on time every day, I am going to have to make small talk at the school gate.   I’m not very good at small talk.  We already attend a number of activities in the week, and whilst we are making some good friends, I am becoming more aware of feeling that I am quite different to the majority of other parents I meet in terms of my priorities and outlook on life. I’m not sure what this is going to mean for my daughter and her school experience.  At the moment I can protect my children from things I don’t want them to see or hear, most of the time, by deciding where we go and who we spend time with.   When she’s at school she’s on her own.  Perhaps these are normal school-mum-to-be feelings.   

Happiness and African babies

A blog I read recently titled “Why African babies don’t cry” http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/claire_niala.html  got me thinking.  It focuses on the African culture where babies are constantly held and fed.  Thoughts on parenting are always going to be contentious, and what I’m going to say next isn’t intending to judge other parents – we all have to do what is right for our families and make our decisions on the best information we have.  In my experience every child is different and what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another.   I also know that mental illness can affect anyone, regardless of background or circumstances so I am aware that what I am suggesting below is a huge generalisation.   I just had a moment of possible revelation, and wanted to share it.   

 I read a book about a year ago titled “Why love matters” by Sue Gerhardt.  It talks about how affection affects a baby’s developing brain.  I was particularly struck by the focus on how the development of the brain in the first few months and years can affect future emotional well being.  For example, the way we respond to stress which can lead to conditions including anorexia, addiction, and anti-social behaviour.  Without going back and re-reading the book to quote properly, my recollection is that if a baby has an ‘emotionally available parent’, someone who meets their needs and means they aren’t worrying if their cries are going to be answered, who helps regulate their emotions for them when they are too little to do so themselves (e.g. stops them crying uncontrollably or helps them get excited at something), then they are emotionally better equipped as they grow and potentially better able to cope with or even avoid mental illnesses such as depression and addiction when they are older.

I have noticed a number of research projects into happiness - what makes us happy and how to measure our level of happiness mentioned in the media recently.  Apparently the government want to try and measure our happiness and consider the impact of their policy decisions on our level of happiness.   I have heard  people, who have been to developing countries, where people have so very little in terms of material possessions say, that they are some of the happiest people they have ever met.  So what makes some of the poorest people in the world able be so happy?   After reading “Why love matters” and “Why African babies don’t cry”, maybe it is down to how they were cared for as a baby that has made them emotionally better equipped to deal with the negatives life deals them and as a consequence are happier in life in general.   Of course this theory would be very difficult to test.  But if it were true, if we became a culture that actively and practically supported parents in those first few difficult weeks, months and years of being parents, what an impact on society and the public purse it would have if we became a society where babies don’t cry.