Have you ever caught a hint of a scent that has transported you back to another place and time? Over the last few weeks I've had three different reasons to remember, reminisce and reflect. A blocked sink forced me to sort out the collection of lotions and potions that resided underneath it and amongst the bottles and dust I discovered the dregs of several perfumes I used to wear. Each one evoked memories from a different chapter in my life and for an instant I was transported back to exam season and a summer's afternoon in a field of daisies, the unexpectedly bright lights in the foyer outside a student night club and the hazy, blurry, euphoric, exhausted fog of the new born phase of parenthood. The scent from a new packet of soap brought my Grandma and Granddad and their house into vivid view for a split second.
We have just started to try and organise our collection of photos and videos. With each one we want to keep we want to tag the people in them, the place and key words to make it easy to find photos in the future. There are thousands to go through and it is slow task, especially as I find myself distracted by the memories that surface.
The third prompt, perhaps more for reflection than reminiscing at the moment is that it will be our tenth wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks. I find myself wondering what the ten years younger me would think if she could see me now. I think she would be very happy with where we live and the friends we have, shocked at the bank balance (and not in a good way), perhaps a bit sad that work-wise I have consistently slipped down the career ladder, but more understanding as to the reason why and probably slightly surprised when she sees that we have two children. I think she would be pleased at how well they seem to be growing and learning and amazed at how beautiful they are. She would probably be quite judgmental of many of our parenting skills. But most of all I think she would be disappointed at the lack of progress we have made in living a more environmentally sustainable life and our lack of action and intent to challenge the inequalities and injustices we see in the world. What she wouldn't appreciate is just how demanding and time and energy consuming being a parent of small children is. How they bring home one illness after the other, which the whole family catches, one after another, until everyone's immune system steps up a gear and starts to resist the bombardment. How months which have turned into years of sleep deprivation dulls the inner voice of conscience, which previously prompted thoughts and action. But then she would question what sort of home environment our children are experiencing where we only focus on meeting our own needs and planning our own enjoyment? What sort of example we are setting in our attitudes, aspirations and hopes for our children? How are we equipping them with the emotional, social and intellectual tools they need to become successful adults who are emotionally secure, confident, positive contributors to our society? As the ten years younger me isn't here to come up with all the answers we're going to have to work them out for ourselves and decide what, if anything we want to do differently. I hope that in another ten years I'm not prompted to ask the ten years older me same questions.
